Apparently, I have a new problem.
I've been told recently, by people who genuinely care about me, that I need to “temper myself.”
Temper myself? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
What am I, a fucking piece of steel being forged into a sword?
“Don't post things you shouldn't!”
“You might offend someone!”
“You might lose potential investors!”
“Don't say things you shouldn't!”
And my personal favorite...
“WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK?”
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Let's start with that last one.
DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK I GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT PEOPLE THINK?
I have spent my entire life saying what I believe to be the honest truth. Sometimes that truth makes people laugh. Sometimes it makes people think. Sometimes it makes people uncomfortable.
And sometimes it makes people so fucking uncomfortable that they decide they never want to speak to me again.
That's fine.
I have a phone full of contacts. I'll survive.
Unfortunately, we now live in a world where telling the truth or even expressing an opinion that someone doesn't agree with, can get you banned, blocked, unfollowed, unfriended, cancelled, ostracized, estranged, disinvited, or digitally executed.
Jesus Christ. I'm surprised they haven't invented a button that allows someone to retroactively delete you from their childhood memories.
The truth has become a very unpopular commodity.
And apparently, having a sense of humor is now considered a potentially dangerous personality disorder.
You can say something completely ridiculous, obviously intended as a joke, and somewhere in America a person you've never met will take personal offense, contact their therapist, organize a boycott, and demand that you issue a public apology.
Over a fucking joke.
I miss the days when someone could simply say, “You're an asshole,” and you could respond, “Thank you. I've been working on it.”
And then you'd both have a drink.
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT OFFENDING PEOPLE.
Here's a revolutionary concept.
You are allowed to disagree with me.
I know. Shocking.
You can disagree with my politics, my opinions, my humor, my investment philosophy, my taste in restaurants, and whether pineapple belongs on pizza.
For the record, putting pineapple on pizza should probably be investigated by an international criminal tribunal.
But that's just my opinion.
And here's something even more revolutionary.
I can disagree with you and still like you!
Imagine that!
Two human beings with different opinions actually enjoying each other's company without requiring a mediator, a safe space, or a fucking United Nations peacekeeping force.
Some of my closest friends have wildly different political, social, and philosophical views.
I love that!
I don't want to spend my life surrounded by people who agree with everything I say.
What the hell would we talk about?
“Great point.”
“I agree.”
“Me too.”
“Excellent observation.”
I'd rather have a colonoscopy.
At least something interesting might happen.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE INVESTORS?
Ahhhhh.
Now we're getting somewhere.
Apparently, my biggest concern should be that something I write or say might offend a potential investor.
Someone might read one of my blogs and decide not to invest in Directive 17.
OH NO! WHAT WILL I DO?
Maybe I'll have to find another investor among the approximately eight billion people on this planet.
Here's what I find absolutely fascinating about this argument.
Investors want to know EVERYTHING about you.
They want to investigate your background, your businesses, your financial history, your successes, your failures, your relationships, your judgment, your temperament, and probably whether you cheated on a spelling test in third grade.
They want to know the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And frankly, they should.
They're trusting you with their money.
But here's the funny part.
They don't want any surprises.
They want to know who you REALLY are.
Except apparently, I'm supposed to spend the entire fundraising process pretending to be someone I'm not.
I'm supposed to be politically neutral, socially sanitized, humorously neutered, and professionally packaged like a fucking box of organic gluten-free crackers.
No controversial opinions.
No inappropriate jokes.
No colorful language.
Just smile politely, nod intelligently, and occasionally say things like “risk-adjusted returns,” “institutional alignment,” and “strategic value creation.”
Jesus Christ.
If that's what you want, go invest in a fucking index fund.
At least the index fund won't embarrass you at dinner.
HERE'S WHERE THINGS GET REALLY INTERESTING.
While investors are busy investigating me, guess what?
I'M INVESTIGATING THEM!
And I'm not just talking about their financial statements.
I want to know who they are.
What do they believe?
What makes them laugh?
What makes them angry?
What do they do for fun?
How do they treat their families?
How do they treat people who work for them?
Do they enjoy life?
Do they have a sense of humor?
What are their political leanings? What about the institutions they represent?
Can they sit across from someone with a completely different opinion and have an intelligent conversation?
And, perhaps most importantly...
DO THEY LIKE SUSHI?
Because if we're going to spend the next ten years working together, and every time I suggest sushi they insist on going to fucking Applebee's, we may have a serious compatibility problem.
I'm kidding.
Mostly.
But here's the point.
Investing is a two-way street.
I don't believe the person writing the check automatically gets to dictate the relationship.
And I certainly don't believe money entitles someone to demand that I become a different human being.
I've said this many times.
I WILL NOT TAKE MONEY FROM PEOPLE I DON'T LIKE.
Period.
I don't care how wealthy they are.
I don't care how prestigious their institution is.
I don't care if they manage $500 million or $500 billion.
If I don't like you, don't trust you, or don't believe we're compatible, I'm not interested.
And I'm perfectly comfortable with you feeling exactly the same way about me.
In fact, I encourage it!
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we discovered our incompatibility BEFORE we entered into a ten-year business relationship?
Think of all the legal fees we'd save.
AND THEN THERE'S DIRECTIVE 17.
This is where the entire concept of “tempering myself” becomes particularly fucking hilarious.
I created an investment firm built around a very simple philosophy.
MAKE PEOPLE SMILE.
Make people laugh.
Make people happy.
Create experiences that bring people together.
Build businesses that improve people's lives.
And, yes, make a tremendous amount of money doing it.
Our investment thesis is based on the belief that happiness, human connection, humor, celebration, and meaningful experiences are not just wonderful things.
They're enormous economic opportunities.
We're investing in human happiness.
And now I'm being told that the founder of a happiness investment firm should be careful about expressing his personality.
Think about that for a second.
That's like telling the founder of a comedy club to stop telling jokes because someone in the audience might not laugh.
Or telling the owner of a winery to stop drinking wine because someone might prefer fucking cranberry juice.
THE ENTIRE POINT IS TO BE HUMAN!
Not a corporate robot.
Not a carefully scripted executive.
Not someone whose every public statement has been reviewed by six lawyers, three public relations consultants, and a committee of people whose primary professional qualification is being perpetually offended.
I want our investors to know exactly what they're getting.
They're getting someone who wakes up every morning smiling.
Someone who genuinely loves life.
Someone who believes the world is filled with extraordinary opportunities to make things better.
Someone who takes his responsibilities very seriously but refuses to take himself too seriously.
Someone who will work relentlessly to build great businesses and generate exceptional returns.
And someone who occasionally says “fuck” when “golly gee” just doesn't adequately communicate the situation.
SO, WILL I TEMPER MYSELF?
Well...
I suppose there's a difference between being honest and being unnecessarily cruel.
There's a difference between expressing an opinion and deliberately hurting someone.
And there's certainly a difference between telling the truth and simply being wrong.
I'm perfectly willing to acknowledge when I'm wrong.
I'm even willing to apologize when I genuinely owe someone an apology.
I'm not claiming every opinion I have is some divine revelation delivered directly from the heavens.
Hell, I've been wrong plenty of times.
Just ask my wife.
She apparently maintains a comprehensive, searchable database.
But I'm not going to apologize for having opinions.
I'm not going to hide my personality to make myself more marketable.
I'm not going to pretend to agree with people just because they have money.
And I'm certainly not going to spend whatever time I have left on this planet worrying about whether some stranger on LinkedIn thinks I'm sufficiently presidential.
I'm not running for president.
I'm trying to build businesses that make people happy.
AND I'M HAVING A FUCKING BLAST DOING IT.
MAYBE IT JUST SAVED BOTH OF US TEN YEARS OF MISERY.
So, to everyone who has lovingly suggested that I should temper myself...
Thank you.
I genuinely appreciate your concern.
I've given your advice considerable thought.
And after careful consideration, I've decided...
ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOT.
Life is short.
Laugh more.
Smile more.
Tell the truth.
Be kind.
Have fun.
And for God's sake, stop worrying so much about what everybody else thinks.
The last thing this world needs is another perfectly polished, completely predictable, professionally inoffensive asshole.
